Hi there. Scott here! So I’m a guy that has experienced issues in my relationship. And I’m also a guy that was very close to ending my own marriage of 13 years and a relationship of 22 years. Despite a long journey of my own professional and personal development, I lost my way. And so I sought relationship advice. And I’m pleased I did because now my wife and I are still together, very much in love again and happier than ever. So in this article, I would love to share some of my relationship advice for men.
These tips are an accumulation of my own journey of personal and professional development. They are also seasoned with my own learnings of my mistakes and failures. And they are also strongly influenced by the relationship advice I have been given along my own amazing journey!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #1
Don’t over think things! Negative thoughts will come and go. But, sadly, many people will become so absorbed in them that they will become lost in them.
Getting lost in too many negative thoughts has the same effect as snow building up on a mountain side. Eventually, an avalanche occurs and when that happens, everything in its path is destroyed!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #2
Don’t try to stop negative thoughts! Negative thoughts are part of your survival instincts and your fight or flight response! Trying to stop yourself having negative thoughts is like trying to stop the tide coming in. And like the tides, negative thoughts come and go in cycles! So accept that you’ll have negative thoughts occasionally.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #3
When you have negative thoughts remember its because you’re having a moment of insecurity. And that’s OK mate! It happens to us all. It’s perfectly normal.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #4
A moment of insecurity is just when you are experiencing your 3 core fears. You have a core fear of not being loved, of not being good enough and of not belonging.
Relationships are probably the one place where these are experienced the most.
Just acknowledge that moment of insecurity as just your 3 core fears being compromised.
If you fear that your partner isn’t being loyal to you, then what it’s really about is that your 3 core fears are being triggered!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #5
Whatever you believe is real about why you’re having a moment of insecurity is not real at all.
It just seems real in your mind because a negative emotion has been triggered. It’s just a movie and it’s usually about something that hasn’t happened. And it’s usually something that you think will happen in the future!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #6
The past has gone and therefore it isn’t real anymore, so let it go. The only place the past exists now is in your mind.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #7
The future hasn’t arrived yet. So therefore what you believe about it is only an illusion that exists only in your mind.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #8
Live in the now. Right now at this moment is the only thing that you have any control of!
The past has gone and the future isn’t here yet so you can’t control any of it!
Come back to now when you feel like you’re losing control or yourself.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #9
The need for control is just your core need for certainty!
If you’re doing anger, violence and frustration etc, it’s because you’re feeling uncertain.
Anger and violence, for example, are unresourceful ways of gaining a sense of certainty about yourself!
And that’s because when you do anger (for example), everybody stops, they go quiet and walk about on egg shells!
It’s what I call “Being a Hostage Taker”.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #10
Avoid placing your need for certainty in external things, such as people, places, and things! You can’t control any of that.
Look inside for your certainty! The only thing you can control is your thoughts and emotions.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #11
Don’t spend too much time and effort trying to control and plan everything. This will only result in you becoming disconnected from your inner guidance – your intuition.
Your intuition is your autopilot.
Trying to be in control of everything is like trying to snatch hold of the controls and override the autopilot. Before you know it, you’re off course and lost, without a clue as for how to get back.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #12
Trust your instincts more! The more you trust yourself, the less you’ll need to plan and more certain you’ll feel within.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #13
You have everything you need within you right now to succeed in your relationship and in your life. The truth lies within you. The truth is not out there in a magic pill!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #14
Trusting yourself more and allowing your instincts to guide you, will result in a calmer mind.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #15
Be flexible. The one with the most flexibility controls the system. Being flexible isn’t a weakness, it is a strength.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #16
If you’re bored, it is because you don’t have enough variety in your life. And you have too much certainty too.
Unresourceful men seek variety in extramarital affairs, over drinking, doing drugs or starting conflicts etc.
Resourceful men satisfy their need for variety by having a hobby or a passion for something. For example, doing sport, joining a club, doing something at random or having a new experience. Take a different route to work, go somewhere different. Mix it up.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #17
You have a need to feel significant. Don’t be a hostage taker and force people to give you significance. People don’t like that. Fulfill your need for significance by being a giver of significance. For example give praise or pay compliments. Tell your partner what you think of them and what you love about them.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #18
Satisfy your need for love and connection by connecting with people in positive ways. Help people for example. Give love. Show affection. Smile more. Show love to your partner with actions, gestures and words.
Connecting to people through drama is a low quality way of connecting to people. For example, gossip or talking about bad events in your life in order to gain sympathy.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #19
You need to satisfy your need for contribution. In a relationship, do things to help keep the relationship alive, because you can. Not because you have to. Be proactive with your partner. She’ll love you for it.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #20
Satisfy your need for growth. In a relationship, this could be about helping yourself and your partner grow as individuals. Get out of your comfort zone for example. Do a dance class or a cooking class together.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #21
What do women what? An age old question right?
A woman’s primary need is to feel safe, warm and secure. That’s it!
This goes back to when mankind first walked the planet. When we first came about and we were living in caves, the man went out to hunt.
The woman stayed behind in the safety of the cave to nurture the children. For this to happen the woman needed to feel safe. Safe from outside dangers like a predatory animal. She needed to feel warm and comfortable so that she could conceive, give birth to and raise her children.
So it’s up to you to help her feel safe, warm and secure. If you’re not stepping up as a man, she’ll view you like she does a boy. And therefore she will feel unsafe and insecure.
Be certain in yourself and she’ll feel more certain about you. Reassure her. Hold her when she is feeling insecure. Take the lead in areas of your relationship whilst also showing flexibility. Allow her to make decisions too. Share your life with her.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #22
What do men want?
As a man, your primary need from your partner is Loyalty. As a cave man, you would go out to hunt for food to provide for your woman and your children back at the cave. You were risking your life to do this every day.
So you needed to feel that it was worth it. You needed to feel that your woman depended on you and you wanted to know that you were exclusive to her. Loyalty was a feeling you had that.
It assured you that putting yourself in danger to hunt for your family was worth it.
Loyalty isn’t about her doing everything you ask of her. It’s about knowing that when it counts, your partner is there for you (and you for her too). Knowing that she’ll support you in good times and the bad.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #23
Don’t sweat the small things! Remember, when you’re feeling challenged, it’s just your primary need for loyalty that seems like it’s under threat. And this triggers your 3 core fears. Then a flood of low-quality thoughts follow. And all of a sudden there’s a blockbuster of a movie being created in your head about what it all means about you.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #24
You see things as you are, not as they are!
This means that if you’re in a low-quality frame of thinking, you will see things in low-quality ways. And therefore, when you’re feeling great, you will see things in high-quality ways.
Again, don’t try to fix anything (relationships or objects) if you’re in a low state of mind.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #25
Absolute reality does not exist!
There are no such things as an absolute reality. There is only perceived reality!
Your reality (perceived reality) is a reflection of your thoughts, your beliefs, and attitudes. And these were taught to you by others or by your own experiences.
The real truth isn’t out there – it is within you!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #26
Allow yourself to share your emotions with your partner. Crying is not weakness. It is a strength.
Have you seen what happens to a champagne bottle if you shake it up and leave it in the sun?
If you hold in your negative emotions you will explode and when that happens, who knows what will happen. Shedding tears is your body’s way of releasing the emotions in a controlled way.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #27
Love and understanding are key!
If you disagree with your partner about her beliefs or values that is okay.
Nobody ever said that you and your partner have to have the same values and beliefs to be compatible.
But if you are shooting your partner down because their values and beliefs don’t match yours, then stop!
I’m not suggesting you have to agree with them!
Get curious about your partner’s beliefs and values. Find our where they come from. Understand how your partner came to have certain values and beliefs.
Be each other’s students and learn from each other and about each other.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #28
There are no such things as problems. There are just opportunities!
So rather than thinking about challenging events as problems, think of them as opportunities! Opportunities to grow and learn something new about yourself!
By doing this, you have a different and more empowered experience of it.
So what is the good thing about a bad situation and what could you gain from it?
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #29
When things go bad and you’re angry, upset or down about it, never try to fix the situation right then. When you’re having a moment of insecurity like this, your intellect has shut down temporarily.
All you’ll have in that moment is low-quality thoughts. So all you’ll be able to do is make low-quality decisions and take low-quality actions!
Wait for the moment of insecurity to pass. That’s when your intellect returns.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #30
Just know in your heart that no matter what happens, you will be okay and you will be taken care of!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #31
Keep the rules to your relationship simple. The simpler the better. Making your rules about relationships too complex makes it difficult for you to be happy.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #32
Get out of your comfort zone more. Staying inside your comfort zone is nice for awhile.
Think of your comfort zone as an airtight room that you feel safe in.
Sure you feel safe for now, but the longer you’re in there, the more oxygen you’re breathing in.
Eventually, if you don’t break out, you’ll run out of oxygen!
And we both know where that will lead right?
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #33
Be your real authentic self, the real you.
Don’t try to pretend that you’re the guy that you think your partner or your friends want you to be. When you do that, you project the guy you’re scared of being perceived as instead.
Trying to pretend to be who people want you to be, will only get you into trouble!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #34
You’re either IN or you’re OUT.
Relationships aren’t a place for toe dipping!
If you’re playing at relationships less than 100%, then your relationship will not last.
If you’re only 50% IN with your relationship, then your relationship will have a 50% chance of succeeding.
Therefore, if you’re holding some part of you back as a protection strategy in case you get hurt, then guess what?
You’re increasing your chances of actually getting hurt!
Only when you allow yourself to be vulnerable will you enjoy the most passionate and deepest of relationships!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #35
Relationships are like owning a car!
It’s all shiny and new in the beginning. It’s exciting.
But if you don’t take care of the small things that change and go wrong at the beginning, those small things fail catastrophically!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #36
The best relationships still experience fall outs and angry words. You might even sleep on the couch now and then.
But it’s how you respond to those times.
It’s about being able to look back and laugh about that!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #37
They key to long lasting relationships is a change of heart!
When emotions and thoughts are low, you fall into a moment of insecurity, poor choices, and poor decisions.
The way to help yourself get out of this low point quicker is to have a change of heart.
The way to create a change of hearts is to step out of what something means to you. Consider how the other person may be feeling or what their thoughts are about the situation!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #38
When your partner comes home from work, or when you come home from work, your partner may often want to offload!
It could be how rubbish her day was, something somebody said, or something that happened.
Now most guys, we try to either fix it for her, help her get over it, or try to make her feel better.
She doesn’t want that!
All she wants is to vent. Honor her by NOT trying to fix it for her, help her get over it, or try to make her feel better.
So all you need to do is show her you care by listening to her and let her get it off her chest
And when I say listen, I mean really listen. No trying to think about your response whilst she’s busy talking. No thinking about the footy or cars, or what’s happening on TV.
Listen intently to her. Even if you don’t say anything other than to acknowledge what she has told you when she’s finished.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #39
Often we communicate in different ways. And when there’s a mismatch there’s misunderstanding which can lead to conflict.
In communication, there are speaking styles and there are listening styles.
In speaking styles there are two different styles:
Literal – For example, “Can you pour me a glass of water please?”
Inferral – For example, “I’m thirsty!”
In listening styles there are also two different styles:
Literal – the literal listener would in response to the literal speaker above gladly get a glass of water.
The literal listener in response to the inferral speaker above would say “That’s nice” or “So get a glass of water”
Inferral – The inferral listener in response to the literal speaker would get the glass of water but may feel that the speaker is a little abrupt or rude.
The inferral listener would get the inferral speaker a glass of water.
So a literal speaker and a literal listener would have a great rapport. And the same for inferral speakers and inferral listeners.
However, our speaking and listening styles don’t always match. For example, you could be an inferral speaker but a literal listener.
And do you now realise that you and your partner’s styles of speaking and listening may not match either!
The key is understanding you and your partner’s styles and then responding accordingly.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #40
Don’t hog the limelight! Take a breath when you’re talking. Other people perceive you as talking over them and therefore not being interested in what they have to say. Don’t be a hostage taker!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #41
Don’t be an interrupter! Allow your partner and others the floor to speak. When you interrupt, you are telling them that what you are wanting to say is way more important than what they want to say. Don’t be a hostage taker!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #42
Avoid speaking in Jargon. People will simply be bored by what you’re talking about. And they will be polite and pretend to be listening to you but they will be somewhere else in their heads.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #43
Drop any need for judgment. There is no such thing as right or wrong. There is just what people believe to be true. Replace judgment with tolerance and compassion. Understanding is the key!
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #44
Take criticism on the chin! It’s a fact of life. People are going to criticise you! So instead of responding defensively, get curious about what they’re saying. Take it as feedback and an opportunity to learn something new. It may or may not be valid. Thank people for their feedback.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #45
Give people the same level of eye contact as they do you! Even if you feel awkward. The more you do this, the more natural it will feel. So if someone likes to maintain eye contact, then maintain that same level of eye contact when you speak.
If someone looks away from you as they speak, then mimic that too when you speak.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #46
Rapport can be created. When people are in rapport they unconsciously honor each other. For example, they will also be sat the same way and when one moves their arms, the other may respond with the same or a similar movement.
So to create rapport, notice people’s body language and without copying it, honor it with similar body language.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #47
Don’t be a love junkie, who despite how much love a partner shows you, it’s never enough! It’s tiring and it’s draining for your partner.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #48
Avoid one-eyed love! This is when you are confused about your partner’s choices. You will be insecure about those choices. So get to know and appreciate your partner’s values and choices.
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #49
Ask yourself, to have a great relationship with your partner and yourself, what steps do you have to take and what kind of person do you have to be?
Relationship Advice for Men Tip #50
Become more aware of what you are focusing your daily thoughts and emotions on. I believe that the more you focus on something, the more you experience that.
Here’s an example.
Focusing your thoughts on how much your partner is judging you!
You will unconsciously find all the evidence you need to convince yourself that this is true!
So instead, change your focus to how much love your partner has for you. You will instead start to unconsciously find all the evidence to support that too.
So that concludes my relationship advice for men. I trust they now give you some fantastic insights into how you can improve your relationships.
And remember I can help you even more.
Watch this video below to discover how you can make this happen for you today!
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