Get Some Fun in Your Relationship

Get Some Fun in Your Relationships

Hey there. And how are you going lately in your relationships? Are you bored and lacking some fun and adventure? So it sounds like you need to get some fun in your relationships!

Agreed?

Well, read on, because I have some great suggestions for you!

Why You’re Bored

So, many of my clients have come to me for help in their relationships. They come to me because they feel bored. They feel as though the relationship has gone stale. It’s not the way it used to be and the fun and excitement have all but gone.

It’s the same old same old every single day. And like Groundhog Day, my clients begin to feel fed up. And so they look for ways to break the boredom.

Are you experiencing this?

I know what it’s like. Like many of my clients, I too became stuck in this rut.

So low-quality thoughts and emotions, lead to moments of insecurity. Boredom is a perfect example of a moment of insecurity. As we have a moment of insecurity, we often compound that. We compound it with more bad thoughts and more negative emotions.

As a result, we experience an extended moment of insecurity. This moment of insecurity becomes a daily experience. It can last for days, weeks or even months.

It’s what I call,

The Avalanche Effect

Here’s what I mean.

Imagine a single snowflake, landing on the mountain top. It comes to rest, but before it melts away, another flake lands on it. Followed by another, and then another. And before you know it, there’s a blanket of snow building up.

Before long, the peak of the mountain now has that snow topping we know so well. But it keeps snowing, more flakes compounding the first one. However, it get’s too much and things become unstable and stressful. A little disturbance is all it takes now. A gun shot, a rock smashing into another, or a crack of lightning. And all that snow now slips away from the mountain and comes crashing down. Everything flattened or destroyed by the avalanche on the way down.

So daily negative thoughts compound each other, every day. They compound each other until you snap. Until you can’t stand it anymore! This is when the avalanche starts. Some people may react with aggression. Others might start having an affair. And some people might cause an argument or go looking to create one. The possibilities are endless.

But do you notice that the effect is damaging and un-resourceful?

Of course, it is. A moment of insecurity makes us lose rational thought. We don’t think clearly. We lower our intellect in a moment of insecurity. Do you get it? So it’s no wonder why some people do bad things when they get severely bored.

How to Break the Boredom Cycle

Firstly, we need to crack the moments of insecurities!

So why do we have moments of insecurities?

Because we get lost in negative thoughts. Some people get so lost in them, that it all starts to seem real to them. Negative thoughts come and go. After years of trying, I realised that I couldn’t stop having them. And neither can you. So get clear on that as soon as you can.

Trying to stop negative thoughts and emotions, is like trying to stop the tides. But, like the tides, your negative thoughts will wash in and go out again!

So if you can’t stop them, what do you do?

Simple, just start to have awareness of them! When you notice the negative thought pop into your head, acknowledge it. Say to yourself, “It’s just a moment of Insecurity, that’s all this is.” And then let it go.

Don’t try to work it out! Avoid trying to fix it! Do not analyse it! That will just help you sink into the hole more if you do!

What do you do if your partner is having a moment of insecurity?

Help them to notice it too. Help them to acknowledge it for what it is. They’re just thoughts and they’re not real. It’s just a moment of Insecurity!

Secondly, to break the boredom cycle, become aware of the code!

And here’s the code…

If you’re bored, it’s because…

  1. You have too much certainty in people, places or things
  2. There’s not enough variety in your life

In other words, you’re bored because you lack variety. And you have too much certainty in your life!

Certainty

You need certainty in your life, right? You need it to feel happy. Therefore, without certainty, you will feel unhappy in some way or another.

My question is, are you satisfying your need for certainty in a good way? Or are you satisfying the need in a not so good way?

The Not So Good Way

  • placing certainty in other people
  • having certainty in material things
  • placing certainty in places
  • putting your certainty in the weather
  • having certainty in the route to work
  • placing certainty in TV programs
  • having certainty in your job

When satisfying the need for certainty externally, we’re not happy. Not in the long term anyway!

And the reason is because we don’t have control of things that exist outside of us. We can’t control the tides. And we can’t the weather! Nor can we control other people! But people do try to place certainty outside of them.

So when it rains instead of being sunny, people get angry or upset. When a person didn’t do what they said they would, people get upset.

There has to be a smarter way right?

There Is, and Here Are the Good Ways to Satisfy Certainty

  • have certainty in yourself
  • back yourself
  • love yourself more
  • have self-confidence
  • believe in yourself
  • know that whatever happens, you’ll be ok

In the long run, when we look inside for our certainty we will be happier!

But here’s the key. Too much certainty without a balance of variety leads to boredom.

Variety

You need variety in your life, right? You need it to feel happy.

So, without variety, you will feel unhappy in some way or another.

My question is, are you satisfying your need for certainty in a good way? Or are you satisfying the need in a not so good way?

The Not So Good Way

  • seeking gossip
  • trying to cause arguments
  • alcohol / drug abuse
  • having affairs
  • living beyond your means
  • flicking TV stations over and over
  • self sabotage
  • creating problems and drama for yourself (so that you have something to do)

This strategy for fulfilling your need for variety isn’t sustainable.

So satisfy variety in resourceful ways and you’ll be happier.

There has to be a smarter way right?

There Is, and Here Are the Good Ways to Satisfy Variety

  • playfulness
  • embracing adventure / change
  • changing the meaning of an event (reframe)
  • have different hobbies
  • taking new challenges
  • exploring your creativity
  • taking a different route to work now and then
  • having date nights
  • taking new experiences together
  • joining a club
  • making new friends

In the long run, when we look for resourceful variety satisfying ways, we’ll be happier!

But here’s the key. Too much variety without a balance of certainty can be overwhelming. You’ll have more capacity for uncertainty when certainty comes from within.

How to Get Some Fun in Your Relationships

So by now, you know all I want to do is to help you in your relationships. If you go onto have better relationships, I’ve completed my mission. And this is what makes me happy 🙂

So I’m going to share with you some great ways of mixing things up. By doing so, you, therefore, satisfy your need for variety. And this ends the boredom! Before I do, here’s my disclaimer. I’m not affiliated with the sellers of these experiences. Nor do I take payments from any of the sellers mentioned here.

Here are some experiences that both you and your partner could take part in. Or if you just want to have some “me” time, these could work for you too. The outcome, in either case, is the same. You get a dose of Variety 🙂

So how about…

And these are just to name a few. Have a look through the above suggestions and see if anything grabs you. Or why not browse all the experiences that are on offer.

What You Should Do Now!

All things considered, it’s time to take action! What are you going to choose to do differently today?

It’s important to realise this. Your relationships are feeling stale because you lack variety. So, therefore, inject some new life into your relationships. You should do this by doing some new and exciting things together.

Remember though, however you do this, ensure that it is sustainable for you. Something that is affordable and doable. Make it something that is a stretch for you. So that you are out of your comfort zone.

So get out there and get some fun in your relationships!

Scott Brelsford

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